[Throughout the day we will be bringing you breaking coverage of today's 'We Surround Them' event, newsperson Glenn Beck's effort to demonstrate the raw power of the ultraconservative movement via barbecues, Chuck Norris, and threatening-sounding names for meaningless events.]
BREAKING: I am currently unsurrounded. I have also checked the mailbox, presuming it small enough to be one of the more surroundable things on my property: it too remains unsurrounded. More updates throughout the day.
Pictured: Logo for 'We Surround Them' Day. Also international symbol for radioactive gonorrhea.
[This has been a 'We Surround Them' update. Keep checking throughout the day for important updates as to the status of whether or not we are surrounded.]